why didn't you poke me back
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize