its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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