I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
