I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
