I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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