I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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