My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
