There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize