Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
