I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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