chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
