We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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