The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
