So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
