My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
