Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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