We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize