just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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