My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
