just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
