I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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