Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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