youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
