I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
