moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
