that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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