would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
