a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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