his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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