Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
