She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
