Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
