i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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