the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
