I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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