You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
false alarm, still single
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
