Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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