wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
