I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
