We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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