Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
