so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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