too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
nutella sex= disaster
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
