New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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