his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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