Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
