i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize