ugly people sure do ruin things
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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