I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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