Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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