Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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