I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
