im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
