Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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