ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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