now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
