and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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