I think I died a long time ago.
its not stalking. its research.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
