never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I supernannyed him into submission
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
