pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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