its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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