"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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