So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
