Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
