tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
